50 Reasons Why Girls Should Never Date a Photographer as a Boyfriend

Girls, does your significant other love photography? Does he care far more about camera gear than about you? Recently, a post titled “50 Reasons Not to Date a Photographer as a Boyfriend” went viral on the internet, striking a strong chord with countless netizens.

Among them, reasons such as “He will spend all his time in front of a computer, and not for watching adult videos!” and “Ordinary men compete over whose equipment down below is longer, bigger, and harder; he competes over whose camera lens is longer, bigger, and harder!” had people bursting into laughter. Here are the 50 reasons why you should never date a photographer as a boyfriend:

1. He would rather hold his camera than hold your hand.
2. It is a romantic date. You gaze at the sunset thinking how breathtaking it is, only to hear him say: “Alright, mirror lock-up enabled, aperture down to f/8, shutter speed at 1/125s.”
3. You will never enjoy watching TV, movies, or reading magazines again, because he will relentlessly point out every single “visual flaw.”
4. He will sit in a coffee shop for hours, sneakily and awkwardly observing strangers just to hunt for so-called “shooting opportunities.”
5. Suppose you two go for a stroll. The moment you run into some “interesting light,” he will have you stand, sit, and strike endless poses in front of a crowd of onlookers.
6. You will never get to enjoy piping-hot food, because he will spend 15 minutes taking 20 different shots of the dishes.
7. When your friend approaches him and asks: “I’m really into photography, could you help me pick a camera? Nothing too professional, just something that takes pretty pictures,” he will instantly get triggered and annoyed.
8. The time he spends dissecting a single artwork in an art museum lasts longer than your menstrual period.
9. The exact same thing happens in secondhand bookstores.
10. When you catch him staring intently at you, he is actually mentally calculating how to “retouch” you.
11. He might just be pretending to look at you while secretly scoping out other people to find shooting angles.
12. He would rather spend a fortune buying himself a new prime lens than buy you a designer handbag.
13. You cannot ask him to take just 1 photo—he will take at least 5 in burst mode.
14. If you ask him whether you have gained weight, he will reply: “No worries! I can fix you in Photoshop.”
15. If your selfie does not meet his technical standards, he won’t even bother retouching it for you.
16. Still waiting for the photos he took of you yesterday? You are lucky if you ever get to see them.
17. He spends all his time at the computer, and not to watch adult videos!
18. He is still using analog film cameras!
19. If you don’t talk about technical gear parameters, he has nothing to chat with you about!
20. Think about it: he is constantly hanging out with people who seem much “cooler” than you, like actors or models!
21. Even when buying a simple coffee mug, he is ridiculously nitpicky about aesthetics!
22. He ignores your texts and phone calls, yet you see him actively uploading photos online.
23. He watches obscure, incomprehensible, ancient films that you have never even heard of!
24. In his eyes, the weirdest things look completely normal.
25. Ordinary men compete over whose member is longer, bigger, and harder; he competes over whose telephoto lens is longer, bigger, and harder.
26. If a natural disaster strikes some remote corner of the world, his immediate instinct is to fly there right away!
27. Everything has to have a watermark slapped on it.
28. He thinks everyone else’s photos are utter garbage.
29. While watching Twilight with you, all he thinks about is how to fix the color grading.
30. He hates rainbow lollipops—specifically the ones with a concentric circle inside.
31. When chatting in a group and the conversation goes deep, he actually whips out a notebook to take notes!
32. He insists on using Apple computers with notoriously poor cost-to-performance ratios.
33. He loves venturing into moldy, dilapidated, crumbling old abandoned houses.
34. He constantly forces you to view his new photos, whether you care or not.
35. He despises the “idiotic and blurry” artistic photos taken by your friends.
36. Sunny, clear blue skies make him gloomy, whereas cloudy or overcast days fill him with pure joy.
37. He will drag you to places brimming with “artistic atmosphere” that happen to have high mugging rates.
38. Your birthday gift every single year will strictly be photos.
39. When arriving at a new destination, he shoots non-stop; trying to get him to pause is an impossible feat.
40. He always makes you stand in as his human light meter.
41. Nothing is naturally beautiful to him! Everything must be perfected through Photoshop.
42. “Bringing a camera” always means hauling an additional 25 kilograms of gear.
43. If you accidentally damage any of his gear, it means you owe him thousands of dollars.
44. His birthday or Christmas gift wishlist never costs under a thousand bucks.
45. He is a material hoarder: expired magazines, newspapers, packaging boxes, and anything that might spark “inspiration”!
46. He has countless hard drives full of photos, but will print at most 10 of them.
47. He secretly critiques your creativity and aesthetic judgment.
48. If your camera is set to “Auto Mode,” he will give you a judgmental look; if you pop up the on-camera flash, he won’t be able to hold back a smirk.
49. He only achieves true ecstasy when mastering a brand-new studio lighting technique.
50. He is eccentric, yet undeniably lovable.